媽媽一直都是順從者（follower），朋友約會食飯、睇戲基本上沒有特別意見，跟大隊一齊玩。生了雪瑜後，一切以她為中心，媽媽開始要求朋友聚會的時間及地點要盡量配合雪瑜的食奶及睡覺習慣。有朋友生日，她們為了遷就我們，特意從柴灣過來荃灣和我們食飯。辛苦你們了！
以前，通常是朋友介紹什麼好，就買回家試用。現在BB衣食住行的物品，我也會參考網上媽媽的建議。看了很多資訊，愈來愈著迷，特別是台灣媽媽寫的blog。她們很認真寫blog，很多相片，前因後果，全部都很有條理地介紹，看得人心痕、手痕，很想立即買回家。
之前，看過一位台灣媽媽介紹用潔牙棉，很想買回家給雪瑜試用。十個月大的雪瑜有二隻兔仔牙，仍然在食夜奶，且要食幾次，真擔心她會蛀牙。媽媽網上查過，暫時香港還未有出售潔牙棉。如要定購，需要直接向美國生產商定，但郵費很貴！買二三包，太不劃算了。失望…抱著試一試的態度，媽媽在媽媽會post團購潔牙棉，想不到反應如此熱烈。很多媽媽都很關注BB的乳牙。媽媽成功二次團購潔牙棉。雖然團購需要時間處理安排入錢、査帳、派貨（面交或郵寄），但可以分擔運費，BB又得益。多謝志同道合的媽媽的支持！
我們的團購寶貝
At six-and-a-half, my daughter appears to be growing into a mature, caring person. She expresses her feelings and shows compassion for others. (I‘ve even witnessed her self-regulate TV time!) Something’s apparently working, and when I consider how we raise our daughter, I suspect these six tools have been effective in her emotional development.
1. Listen With Respect
Everybody wants to be heard. This is even truer for kids whose emotions and ideas spill out at warp speed. Constantly undermining that with “Be quiet” or “Not now” dismisses the equal importance of what they have to say.
This requires really listening to what happened in school today or the detailed account of last night’s dream. Asking specific questions (“So how big was this tutu-wearing purple monster?”) demonstrates caring.
It’s a heady feeling when we have someone’s full attention. Kids feel it and blossom from it.
2. Show Empathy for Feelings
Empathy is the ability to identify with another’s feelings. Children don’t truly develop this skill until about age six, yet they require it from us almost daily.
Their feelings are huge, and they need to know that all those feelings are okay—not just the shiny, happy ones.
When conflict arises, adults often fall into a logical determination of “right vs. wrong.” A child cannot process such information until his feelings are acknowledged first. Especially if there is strong anger or fear.
Sofie struggles with conflict resolution. Her emotions overwhelm her so that she cannot listen to the hurt child or own responsibility for anything in that moment.
We have learned that the most effective first step is to notice and validate Sofie’s feelings, saying things like: “I see that you’re really upset about what happened. Do you need a hug?”
3. Allow Safe Space
Showing empathy may mean giving the child emotional space. And I don’t mean time outs. Time outs are a quick remedy to relief. Relief for the parent, not the child who is sent to a room or chair to “think about what they did.”
What does this teach? That he is “bad”? That her actions or feelings are too big to be dealt with? They have been sent away for doing something when likely their behavior is a sign of needing more attention or understanding.
While we don’t use time outs, we have learned that Sofie often needs space in the aftermath of a conflict. When emotionally overwhelmed, it’s best for her to step away and calm down.
The difference is that the space is now self-directed rather than imposed upon her. I may say: “I see that you’re angry. Are you able to work this out with Jamie or do you need some space first?”
Sometimes Sofie will run to her room crying. After a few minutes, I’ll follow and sit with her. Nine times out of ten, she wants me there with her, even if she’s still angry.
My presence is comforting in the face of scary emotions. She learns to experience such feelings in a safe space… without being sent away.
4. Offer Choices
Kids are never their best selves when they feel trapped. Providing choices (“Do you need a hug, or do you need space?” “Would you rather talk about this now or talk about it in ten minutes?”) allows freedom and respect.
It leads away from black and white thinking, and helps children grow into adults who see options in every situation.
Parents can share messages of responsibility this way. Instead of “You should apologize to Gabby,” it can be “Gabby seems sad that you called her a name. Would you rather talk to her about her sadness or draw a happy picture for her?” We’re giving the message that the incident does need to be addressed, yet the child has a say in how it’s done.
Very powerful for them.
5. Don’t Force Apologies
This is a controversial tool because apologies are expected in our society as a sign of politeness. Yet too many adults offer “sorry” as an automatic response rather than sincere acknowledgement.
When little ones get into conflict, the parent of the “responsible one” often feels compelled to force an apology from her child, if nothing more than to please the other parent. Kids learn nothing from this, except that they did something wrong.
What’s more effective in the long run is acknowledging both kids’ feelings and using age-appropriate statements to help the children learn from the situation.
An example for two-year-olds might be: “Henry felt sad when you took his toy. Let’s choose something where both of you can feel good.”
For five-year-olds (who have a better understanding of how they affect other people): “Maya seems upset about being hit on the arm. Is there something you could do to help her feel better?” More than scripted words, this gentle manner inspires solutions from the child.
It might even lead to random acts of sincere empathy.
6. Find a Solution Together
Punishments are doled out to enforce a sense of control over someone else. Effective solutions are found together. When a child feels heard and validated, his mind expands to consider solutions to conflict.
A six-year-old can help decide the consequence of breaking a window. This kind of participation leads to her feeling empowered rather than controlled.
Discipline is about self-control. When we treat our children with respect and equality, they more readily learn the necessary skills to regulate themselves. Discipline doesn’t need to be a constant battle of wills. With tools like these, it can be a positive, affirming process that, in the end, is both effective and connecting for you and your child.
About the author: Donna DeForbes is a writer, designer and the creator of Eco-Mothering where she blogs about conscious parenting, nature, humor and guilt-free green living. A Philly native, she currently lives in Rhode Island with her progressive husband, precocious six-year-old daughter and a yellow-tailed woolly monkey named Eek. Follow Eco-Mothering on Facebook and Twitter.
今天是兒童節，爸爸媽媽帶雪瑜到天暉兒童遊戲室放電，一解多日相思之愁。到了遊戲室，碰巧遇見二位五月媽媽，三個小龍女齊齊放電。
BB也圓桌會議
對面的男B看過來 看過來 這裡的表演很精采 不要對我不理不踩
柔柔和雪瑜都想爬上瀡滑梯。柔柔真可以爬上去，好利害！
最近，雪瑜很喜歡bu口水，愈講愈bu!
今日學會爬梯級，很自豪的樣子！
終於爬到終點（只有三級梯級），超開心！
最近經常放手站著，就算地上沒有軟墊，她也不怕，自己跌了，也不哭。
放電成功，雪瑜乖乖午睡，爸媽可以和朋友食個快餐，然後向屏山圖書館出發。這是全港第二大圖書館，外觀設計新穎，又有太陽能環保概念十足，且有室外閱讀的空間，很讚的！自從中七後，媽媽就沒在踏進圖書館了。中六、中七時，天天往自修室跑，從放學到自修室關門，天天如是，直到考完中七試。媽媽真的讀怕了，上了大學後只顧玩樂及做parttime，跟本沒有時間及興趣再進入圖書館。上班後，就更別提了，有時間還不如睡覺，再加上網路資訊爆炸，完全忘了圖書館的存在。今天，可以重捨閱讀的樂趣，好像失而復得的感覺真好！
藍色表格可以申請將智能身分證用作圖書證，需要住址證明文件。媽媽紅色的圖書證已不知所蹤。
紅色表格幫雪瑜申請屬於自己的圖書證，需要出世紙、爸或媽的身分證及住址證明。以後雪瑜可以自己選擇喜歡的圖書，自己借書。我想要等到她不咬書、不撕爛書，才可以帶她過來看書、借書。
今天，媽媽借了二本育兒書，全部書都很新，以後不用淘育兒書了。
今天早上，媽媽醒來感覺很脹又痛，原來塞了。這十個月來，媽媽每天都勤力地食和飲，讓雪瑜有充足的糧食。自從，雪瑜長出二隻可愛的兔子牙後，每次餵奶，媽媽都心驚膽顫，生怕她咬我。不能滿足她時，她一定會咬我，我避也避不了。所以，媽媽從來沒有想過自己會多到塞了。如果可以選擇，我會選擇被咬，塞真是很痛！
緊張的媽媽四處找母乳媽媽求救，最後還是決定去母嬰健康院看看。這裡依然門庭若巿，向窗口派籌姑娘講述我的情況。她收了雪瑜的針卡，叫我坐等叫名。等了大約十五分鐘，就輪到我，比我預算快，且沒有預約。之前有預約的產前檢查，每次都要等上一個小時以上。見了姑娘，她說小事，叫我回家用毛巾凍敷。不過不要敷太多，否則會少奶。她又幫我預約，如有需要星期五覆診。經專業人員看症後，媽媽放心了，雖然仍然脹及痛。對於湖康母嬰健康院的服務，媽媽十分滿意！
母乳媽媽分享食卵磷脂，它是天然食用油脂，有助身體乳化脂肪。我今天都食了二粒，好大一粒，多食及長食奶會稀。另外，朋友又介紹用椰菜冰敷。朋友比護士更專業！十分感激朋友的分享！今天媽媽用盡了所有方法，雪瑜食了夜奶後，媽媽終於鬆了，感恩！
I can understand the urge to walk babies. After all, they seem to like it so much. When we help our babies walk, they are gleefully entertained — enjoying us enjoying them — while we’re getting a preview of one of life’s major milestones. Sometimes we’re compelled to walk our babies because we think they need help developing their motor skills and believe it our duty to teach them. We worry that our children will fall behind if we don’t give them a hand or two (literally).
So, why rain on this innocent parade and suggest not walking babies?
1. Body wisdom
“Only a baby knows just the way his joints should align,” notes Carol Pinto, a longtime RIE Associate, Feldenkrais practitioner and friend. In other words, when it comes to motor development, babies are self-learners — they really do know best. By holding a baby’s hands to mobilize him, position and reposition his body, we hinder his natural ability to find balance, sense spatial relations, and judge what he can and cannot do. Better to trust our babies to walk when they are ready, and by doing so encourage mental and physical awareness.
2. Safety
Awareness and safety go hand-in-hand, and walking babies makes them less aware — gives them a false sense of balance and of their abilities — which can be dangerous. (In Don’t Stand Me Up I describe an unfortunate incident at our home involving my unwitting husband and a friend’s toddler who was accustomed to being walked down steps.) But babies who are given freedom to move and develop in their own way gain a self-knowledge that keeps them safer. Their inner sense of balance and judgment intact, movements are carefully calculated, and they tend to make fewer reckless moves. In a 1971 study on natural gross motor development at the Pikler Institute (as reported in The RIE Manual) researchers described the children’s movements as “well-coordinated, economical and cautious”. They also noted that “the children, without exception, attained age-appropriate skills.”
3. Habits, dependencies
Walk babies, and they’ll probably want to do it again and again. Not only does this create an unhealthy dependence on an adult for body balancing, it makes a habit of an activity that the baby will likely be much more interested in continuing (and doing far more often) than we are. Babies are extremely fond of repetition. And, personally, I’m not fond of having more situations with babies where I have to say, “No”. Babies who are not walked or otherwise positioned never ask to be.
4. Parent’s backache
Enough said.
5. Thwarts independent play
The walking habit creates an unnecessary and unproductive dependency on the adult for entertainment. Engaging the parent to repeat the activity becomes a distraction when the child could be happily working on developing motor skills his way, or engaged in other more educational, creative and exploratory self-generated activities.
6. Restrictive
Although we probably believe that our well-intentioned manipulation of a baby is helping him learn to move freely, we are actually restricting him (just as we do when propping him to sit and holding him to stand). Babies need lots of practice moving freely to attain new skills. It is best to encourage that freedom and trust them to be inner-directed. Only babies know what they are ready to do and what they’re working on.
7. Loss of transitional movements
Researchers at the Pikler Institute also noted in their observation of the 722 children raised in this model orphanage (the only place that I’m aware of where natural gross motor development has been officially studied) that the children maintained a “stable high activity level during the whole period of learning new motor skills and changed their postures on average of at least once per minute. This indicates that a child restricted from moving freely is deprived of the long hours of exercising in transitional postures before mastering the next developmental skill.” (From The RIE Manual.)
These wonderful transitional postures are one of the striking differences I’ve seen over the years between babies who are allowed to develop without interference and those who aren’t.
There is an agile 7 month old boy in my new class who spends the majority of the class in perfect straddle splits when he isn’t sitting (a recent development) or scooting across the floor. The parents (neither of whom are dancers, gymnasts, or even circus performers) and I were marveling at him just last week, wondering if, and for how long he will maintain this astonishing flexibility.
Transitional postures are building blocks, each one having a distinct and valuable developmental purpose for our child. When we, however subtly, nudge our child to sit or walk, we believe we are helping, but the child ends up losing out on experiencing a healthier developmental process which includes the wide array of naturally strength-building postures.
8. Trust + Mastery = Self-Confidence
Basic trust in our baby means allowing him to drive his development. When a baby feels our trust and is allowed to experience his appropriate self-chosen struggles and then eventually to own his independent accomplishments (like walking), self-confidence is nurtured. Instead of, “Now I can finally do it without daddy’s hands holding me.” It’s “Wow, look what I can do!”
9. I’m enough
When we’re dating, everyone wants to know when we’ll be married. Then we get married and it’s, “When are you having a baby?” Then, “Is the baby smiling? Sitting? Walking? Talking? When are you having baby number 2?” Why is it so hard for us to appreciate what’s going on right now?
Babies need to know that they are appreciated, enjoyed and loved for what they are able to do at this moment. Generally, they never need our help for the basics like sitting, standing and walking. Our interference only confuses the process, and in many ways corrupts it. They really don’t need our help, as much as we’re driven to give it. As Magda Gerber writes in Dear Parent – Caring For Infants With Respect, “If infants are ready to do something, they will do it. In fact, when they are ready, they have to do it.”
秀髮是每個女性的寶貝，特別是長長的秀髮。很多媽媽大肚時都會狠心把長長秀髮剪短，怕營養被頭髮吸走，最重要是方便打理。一想起坐月時，一星期不能洗頭髮，頭就痕！
這五年來，媽媽一直都是長長的曲髮，且有染髮。計劃生BB時，已停染頭髮。到有了BB後，就把曲髮剪了，剪到剛好可以束起。但坐月時，頭髮仍讓我很煩惱。不能洗頭，頭痕；就算可以洗頭，也頭痕，洗完又要立即吹乾。媽媽的頭髮多而厚，要吹上十五分鐘才乾！但媽媽也捨不得再剪，要留長再電曲髮。好不容易忍了三個月，返工前電及染個靚頭返工。三個月後，媽媽全職湊雪瑜，那次很狠，剪得乾淨利落，心想束起頭髮就什麼也不用理會。
今天，爸爸又背起照顧雪瑜的重任，媽媽可以外出整理頭髮。弄了四個小時，剪了個大學生時的直髮，頭髮薄了、順了，人也年輕了！