Article Sharing – 10 Montessori Home Parenting Tips For Children Under 3

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10 Montessori Home Parenting Tips For Children Under 3

Category: Montessori at Home

Last Modified: 19 July 2012

The following are tips for parents on how to holistically raise your child the Montessori way at home. This applies across the board for all areas of development of children.

1. Respect your child in every aspect of their life

Simply place yourself in their shoes, why do such a thing? Why are they crying? It can be as simple as they are they woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, which as adults we also experience. Give them extra hugs.

If you are confined in a room or space you would get upset as well as you would also like to have the freedom to be able to move places and not be forced. Respect that they do not want to eat at times, we also have days that we do not have big appetites.

Respect that they have needs as we do. Being respectful to their needs can also extend to teaching them respect and courtesy by setting good examples. Be gracious and courteous to your children and to others as well. This is the best way for them to learn it, if it is used in practice. This respect can transcend to other children, adults and other living things as well. If we teach them how to care for things they can learn it and make it part of their being at a very young age.

2. Freedom of Movement

Give them the space and opportunity to be able to move around. Do not simply “cage” them or have them in one confined place not being able to explore their environment or try new movement possibilities. (Tummy time, pulling up, cruising, etc.) As children get older give them challenges to climb in safe areas. As children learn to move it expands their possibilities for learning by freely exploring their environment.

3. Freedom of Choice

Always give them a choice. This is best when dealing with toddlers and you are engaging in a power struggle. Give them only two choices for things that will involve them. They can have dinner now or they can have it later with everybody else, they can wear the blue or the red shorts with the green top.

4. Teach independence

Give them opportunities to do things for themselves. Children are not to be treated as mini adults who can do all things for themselves, however they are not helpless human beings. Make things easy or simplified for them so that they can actually do things by themselves. For example, have elastic pants instead of denim so that they can try to dress themselves rather than have to ask you to zip up their jeans. At a young age allow them to feed themselves even though it can be messy, but you are giving them the chance to practice.

5. Communication

Always talk to them properly in a clearly articulated voice. Give them the names of objects around them to increase their vocabulary. Talking to them also involves modelling communication with other adults and listening. Be respectful when talking to them. Do not just communicate to them to tell them to do or not to do something, but have a regular conversation about how the day went.

6. Teach not by correcting but by modeling

Do not teach by judging whether the child is doing something right or wrong. If a mistake is made, model correctly how to do it. Do not make a big deal out of it, make them aware of their mistakes subtly. In language, if they mispronounce, repeat what they said and pronounce it correctly. You do not have to say that it was wrong, simply model how it should be done.

7. Keep to natural simple materials / toys

There is no need for fancy or flashy toys that do all the work for the child and just leave them watching and being amused for a short period of time. Get toys that encourage children do something with their hands, to drop a ball in a box, or to stack rings to accomplish a task. It can entertain them for long periods of time as they repeat the activity over and over. Do not get toys where they only need to press one button and are left with nothing else. Have materials that deeply involve children to concentrate for more than 2 seconds! TV may hold their attention for a long time but does not involve interaction/manipulation. Montessori believed the work of the hand is very important for the child’s development. Give them toys in which they can manipulate objects.

8. Use common sense

It does not take rocket science to raise a child; some things just need to involve common sense that seems to be not so common for some. Trust yourself that you are doing the right thing, if it feels right. Most of the Montessori principles involve only common sense and rational thinking.

9. Patience

What you teach them now will help you in the long run. Do not give in to getting peace and quiet for a few moments to encounter that problem every day. Instead, while it may take a longer time to get a child to learn something, when they do, it does not become an issue any longer. For sleeping, do not make your child dependent on you to rock or pat them or use a dummy, it may take time for them to get used to sleep independently but in the long run you do not need to spend long periods of time putting them to sleep.

10. Lastly, love and support them

If you do this, you cannot go wrong with any parenting style you implement! It will be good enough, remember it can never be perfect and mistakes and faults are all part of the growing up process.

10 Montessori Home Parenting Tips For Children Under 3

Article Sharing – Don’t Apologize… and 5 More Tools for Positive Discipline

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At six-and-a-half, my daughter appears to be growing into a mature, caring person. She expresses her feelings and shows compassion for others. (I‘ve even witnessed her self-regulate TV time!) Something’s apparently working, and when I consider how we raise our daughter, I suspect these six tools have been effective in her emotional development.

1. Listen With Respect

Everybody wants to be heard. This is even truer for kids whose emotions and ideas spill out at warp speed. Constantly undermining that with “Be quiet” or “Not now” dismisses the equal importance of what they have to say.

This requires really listening to what happened in school today or the detailed account of last night’s dream. Asking specific questions (“So how big was this tutu-wearing purple monster?”) demonstrates caring.

It’s a heady feeling when we have someone’s full attention. Kids feel it and blossom from it.

2. Show Empathy for Feelings

Empathy is the ability to identify with another’s feelings. Children don’t truly develop this skill until about age six, yet they require it from us almost daily.

Their feelings are huge, and they need to know that all those feelings are okay—not just the shiny, happy ones.

When conflict arises, adults often fall into a logical determination of “right vs. wrong.” A child cannot process such information until his feelings are acknowledged first. Especially if there is strong anger or fear.

Sofie struggles with conflict resolution. Her emotions overwhelm her so that she cannot listen to the hurt child or own responsibility for anything in that moment.

We have learned that the most effective first step is to notice and validate Sofie’s feelings, saying things like: “I see that you’re really upset about what happened. Do you need a hug?”

3. Allow Safe Space

Showing empathy may mean giving the child emotional space. And I don’t mean time outs. Time outs are a quick remedy to relief. Relief for the parent, not the child who is sent to a room or chair to “think about what they did.”

What does this teach? That he is “bad”? That her actions or feelings are too big to be dealt with? They have been sent away for doing something when likely their behavior is a sign of needing more attention or understanding.

While we don’t use time outs, we have learned that Sofie often needs space in the aftermath of a conflict. When emotionally overwhelmed, it’s best for her to step away and calm down.

The difference is that the space is now self-directed rather than imposed upon her. I may say: “I see that you’re angry. Are you able to work this out with Jamie or do you need some space first?”

Sometimes Sofie will run to her room crying. After a few minutes, I’ll follow and sit with her. Nine times out of ten, she wants me there with her, even if she’s still angry.

My presence is comforting in the face of scary emotions. She learns to experience such feelings in a safe space… without being sent away.

4. Offer Choices

Kids are never their best selves when they feel trapped. Providing choices (“Do you need a hug, or do you need space?” “Would you rather talk about this now or talk about it in ten minutes?”) allows freedom and respect.

It leads away from black and white thinking, and helps children grow into adults who see options in every situation.

Parents can share messages of responsibility this way. Instead of “You should apologize to Gabby,” it can be “Gabby seems sad that you called her a name. Would you rather talk to her about her sadness or draw a happy picture for her?” We’re giving the message that the incident does need to be addressed, yet the child has a say in how it’s done.

Very powerful for them.

5. Don’t Force Apologies

This is a controversial tool because apologies are expected in our society as a sign of politeness. Yet too many adults offer “sorry” as an automatic response rather than sincere acknowledgement.

When little ones get into conflict, the parent of the “responsible one” often feels compelled to force an apology from her child, if nothing more than to please the other parent. Kids learn nothing from this, except that they did something wrong.

What’s more effective in the long run is acknowledging both kids’ feelings and using age-appropriate statements to help the children learn from the situation.

An example for two-year-olds might be: “Henry felt sad when you took his toy. Let’s choose something where both of you can feel good.”

For five-year-olds (who have a better understanding of how they affect other people): “Maya seems upset about being hit on the arm. Is there something you could do to help her feel better?” More than scripted words, this gentle manner inspires solutions from the child.

It might even lead to random acts of sincere empathy.

6. Find a Solution Together

Punishments are doled out to enforce a sense of control over someone else. Effective solutions are found together. When a child feels heard and validated, his mind expands to consider solutions to conflict.

A six-year-old can help decide the consequence of breaking a window. This kind of participation leads to her feeling empowered rather than controlled.

Discipline is about self-control. When we treat our children with respect and equality, they more readily learn the necessary skills to regulate themselves. Discipline doesn’t need to be a constant battle of wills. With tools like these, it can be a positive, affirming process that, in the end, is both effective and connecting for you and your child.

About the author: Donna DeForbes is a writer, designer and the creator of Eco-Mothering where she blogs about conscious parenting, nature, humor and guilt-free green living. A Philly native, she currently lives in Rhode Island with her progressive husband, precocious six-year-old daughter and a yellow-tailed woolly monkey named Eek. Follow Eco-Mothering on Facebook and Twitter.

Don’t Apologize… and 5 More Tools for Positive Discipline

Article Sharing – 9 Reasons Not to Walk Babies Janet Lansbury

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I can understand the urge to walk babies. After all, they seem to like it so much. When we help our babies walk, they are gleefully entertained — enjoying us enjoying them — while we’re getting a preview of one of life’s major milestones. Sometimes we’re compelled to walk our babies because we think they need help developing their motor skills and believe it our duty to teach them. We worry that our children will fall behind if we don’t give them a hand or two (literally).

So, why rain on this innocent parade and suggest not walking babies?

1. Body wisdom

“Only a baby knows just the way his joints should align,” notes Carol Pinto, a longtime RIE Associate, Feldenkrais practitioner and friend. In other words, when it comes to motor development, babies are self-learners — they really do know best. By holding a baby’s hands to mobilize him, position and reposition his body, we hinder his natural ability to find balance, sense spatial relations, and judge what he can and cannot do. Better to trust our babies to walk when they are ready, and by doing so encourage mental and physical awareness.

2. Safety

Awareness and safety go hand-in-hand, and walking babies makes them less aware — gives them a false sense of balance and of their abilities — which can be dangerous. (In Don’t Stand Me Up I describe an unfortunate incident at our home involving my unwitting husband and a friend’s toddler who was accustomed to being walked down steps.) But babies who are given freedom to move and develop in their own way gain a self-knowledge that keeps them safer. Their inner sense of balance and judgment intact, movements are carefully calculated, and they tend to make fewer reckless moves. In a 1971 study on natural gross motor development at the Pikler Institute (as reported in The RIE Manual) researchers described the children’s movements as “well-coordinated, economical and cautious”. They also noted that “the children, without exception, attained age-appropriate skills.”

3. Habits, dependencies

Walk babies, and they’ll probably want to do it again and again. Not only does this create an unhealthy dependence on an adult for body balancing, it makes a habit of an activity that the baby will likely be much more interested in continuing (and doing far more often) than we are. Babies are extremely fond of repetition. And, personally, I’m not fond of having more situations with babies where I have to say, “No”. Babies who are not walked or otherwise positioned never ask to be.

4. Parent’s backache

Enough said.

5. Thwarts independent play

The walking habit creates an unnecessary and unproductive dependency on the adult for entertainment. Engaging the parent to repeat the activity becomes a distraction when the child could be happily working on developing motor skills his way, or engaged in other more educational, creative and exploratory self-generated activities.

6. Restrictive

Although we probably believe that our well-intentioned manipulation of a baby is helping him learn to move freely, we are actually restricting him (just as we do when propping him to sit and holding him to stand). Babies need lots of practice moving freely to attain new skills. It is best to encourage that freedom and trust them to be inner-directed. Only babies know what they are ready to do and what they’re working on.

7. Loss of transitional movements

Researchers at the Pikler Institute also noted in their observation of the 722 children raised in this model orphanage (the only place that I’m aware of where natural gross motor development has been officially studied) that the children maintained a “stable high activity level during the whole period of learning new motor skills and changed their postures on average of at least once per minute. This indicates that a child restricted from moving freely is deprived of the long hours of exercising in transitional postures before mastering the next developmental skill.” (From The RIE Manual.)

These wonderful transitional postures are one of the striking differences I’ve seen over the years between babies who are allowed to develop without interference and those who aren’t.

There is an agile 7 month old boy in my new class who spends the majority of the class in perfect straddle splits when he isn’t sitting (a recent development) or scooting across the floor. The parents (neither of whom are dancers, gymnasts, or even circus performers) and I were marveling at him just last week, wondering if, and for how long he will maintain this astonishing flexibility.

Transitional postures are building blocks, each one having a distinct and valuable developmental purpose for our child. When we, however subtly, nudge our child to sit or walk, we believe we are helping, but the child ends up losing out on experiencing a healthier developmental process which includes the wide array of naturally strength-building postures.

8. Trust + Mastery = Self-Confidence

Basic trust in our baby means allowing him to drive his development. When a baby feels our trust and is allowed to experience his appropriate self-chosen struggles and then eventually to own his independent accomplishments (like walking), self-confidence is nurtured. Instead of, “Now I can finally do it without daddy’s hands holding me.” It’s “Wow, look what I can do!”

9. I’m enough

When we’re dating, everyone wants to know when we’ll be married. Then we get married and it’s, “When are you having a baby?” Then, “Is the baby smiling? Sitting? Walking? Talking? When are you having baby number 2?” Why is it so hard for us to appreciate what’s going on right now?

Babies need to know that they are appreciated, enjoyed and loved for what they are able to do at this moment. Generally, they never need our help for the basics like sitting, standing and walking. Our interference only confuses the process, and in many ways corrupts it. They really don’t need our help, as much as we’re driven to give it. As Magda Gerber writes in Dear Parent – Caring For Infants With Respect, “If infants are ready to do something, they will do it. In fact, when they are ready, they have to do it.”

9 Reasons Not to Walk Babies Janet Lansbury

Article Sharing – Teaching Motivation by Teacher Tom

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I receive quite a bit of communication from businesses that want to sell us educational products, the key part of their pitch being a long lists of what children will learn. I know that school districts, like the Seattle School district, purchase math, literacy, and other curricula from businesses that sell such things, and I’m quite certain that the sales people are very specific about what it is the children will learn, probably on a month by month, chapter by chapter, step by step basis.

I’m kind of baffled by this. How do they know what the kids will learn? And if they really somehow can know what another person will learn, how do they know that this specific knowledge-product is what they really ought to have in their heads and on that particular schedule? What about all the other stuff they could be learning instead? It seems like such a gamble to me; a huge opportunity cost. I mean, what if they’re wrong? How can anyone know what specific knowledge will be important in a future that none of us can predict 5 years down the road, let alone 20 or 30 when these kids are out there in the middle of the world?

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I think this piece of art is a work of genius.

There seems to be a kind of hubris in this way of approaching education, the idea that the grown-ups get to decide what children will learn. Adults have never been particularly good at predicting the future, especially those of us over 40. And while there is something to be said for the wisdom that comes from experience, if that experience has taught me anything at all, it’s that I better be prepared to keep right on learning because the specific set of things I need to know changes year by year, month by month and even day by day. What I needed to know yesterday is obsolete today.

As a teacher, I never (or rarely) pretend to know what the kids will learn, but I do know that they are learning. I know this because what we are about within our four walls is building a community, and in that process, every day, children bump up against their limits, find that there is something they do not know, something they need to know, want to know, and so set about learning it. A progressive, play-based curriculum never needs to be updated, we never need to download a version 2.1 or 2.2. It’s always cutting edge because the children are always learning exactly what they need to know to answer the questions they have, to fulfill their self-selected role in our community, to scaffold their way to the next step in their ongoing inquiry about themselves and how to work with the other people.

Our role as experienced adults is not to package up and spoon feed them whatever it is that we, in our own unique process of living for decades in this world, have found useful, but rather to observe carefully and then to make our best guesses about not what they ought to learn, but what they are learning right now, then to be there with vocabulary, a hand, an observation, or, if we are very careful, perhaps a question that will support their inquiry.

When I do something as simple as putting pinking shears, scissors, construction paper, and glue sticks on a table, I don’t need a list of what the children will learn. In fact, what arrogance it would take to assume I could make such a list before they have even begun their exploration of these materials.

The object of education is not to fill heads with our predictions about what we think they will need to know, but rather to create a clear field in which children can practice the lifelong habit of learning.

Teaching Motivation by Teacher Tom

文章分享 – 有懶惰的父母 才有獨立的小孩

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有懶惰的父母 才有獨立的小孩
May 23 2009 11:53 網絡

做人最好是勤勞一點,但是如果當了父母之後,強烈的建議您「懶惰一點」,因為「越能幹的父母,往往教出懶惰的孩子」。真的別怕孩子吃苦,當孩子還小時您覺得幫他們做一些事情是應該的,因為他們還沒有自理能力,但….當孩子開始會用雙腳走向這個世界時,您該放手讓他們去接觸、讓他們去學習、讓他們去冒險、放手讓他們自己吃飯、自己洗澡、洗頭、大小便、讓他們去嘗試與成長…

而您只要像個好長官,指導他前進的方向,在旁邊監督他不會犯錯,這樣就夠了!想像一下我們在社會新聞上看到孩子讀到大學生卻連水煮蛋也不會、水果要削皮的就不吃,甚至從來不知道原來蘋果與鳳梨是有皮的,您希望這樣麼小孩來自你家嗎?那只會害了你的孩子,我也深深相信您也不希望這種孩子是您教出來的!

「懶」字訣,給小孩自己去做,你只要監督與保護

對於孩子的管教,我倆夫妻並沒有絕對的方法與秘訣,更不用去上課或是翻書,唯一的方法就是「懶」!當別的小孩還要媽媽追著強迫吃飯時,我們家一歲多的小孩已經乖乖坐在椅子上自己拿湯匙吃東西,儘管他們會把桌子上下弄得髒兮兮,但這就是學習!

家中兩個小朋友還沒有上幼稚園時,已經會自己乖乖吃飯、自己洗澡洗頭、自己到廁所大小號,上了幼稚園之後,我們讓他們自己去洗碗、自己去整理自己的空間,就連洗衣機他們都知道怎麼丟衣服下去之後該按哪些鈕來洗衣服,到現在小學了,他們除了每天下課會幫忙把衣服丟到洗衣機之外,還會主動去把衣服晾起來,等到我兩夫妻下班回家時望著空空的洗衣籃,那就是成就與成長!

這一切沒有別的技巧,完全是因為我們「懶」,而我們也不時跟小朋友說:「這個家是我們的,有時候我們洗衣服,有時候你們洗衣服,可以嗎?大家一起來幫忙,沒有誰應該要做什麼」。

小朋友沒說 你就別做

時間已經來到下午一點,我家的孩子沒叫肚子餓,我們也不急著張羅食物,因為這樣可以免去叫孩子吃飯時的推託吵罵,以前小時候寶貝有一陣子厭奶,我家老婆緊張的帶去給醫生看,結果醫生只是冷冷的回應說:「不要緊張,沒有一個小孩會讓自己餓死的,他現在不餓你逼他幹嘛?」,所以……您絕對不用擔心孩子餓到了,因為等他們餓的時候自然會找你,等到飢腸轆轆的時候,他們不僅胃口全開,飯菜也鐵定一掃而光,而也因為肚子餓了,所以挑食的機會就變小了!

就這樣…..您根本不用坐在孩子的身邊逼他吃飯、逼他吃光,甚至是拿著棍子守在一邊,然後手腳發抖生氣孩子為什麼不吃飯,而孩子則是兩眼淚痕的哭訴媽媽為什麼總是要逼我吃飯,最後搞得爸媽與孩子通通氣成一團,何必呢?難道這是您要的生活品質?

有一次,孩子的便當沒有洗,隔天早上準備上學時卻發現不僅臭臭,還有螞蟻在爬,於是孩子怪媽媽說:「你為什麼沒有幫我洗?」,這時內人則是反問孩子:「你為什麼回家之後沒有洗?」,「你要對自己的事情負責,那是你吃過的便當盒耶!」,孩子默默的沒有出聲音,雖然他板著臉但還是乖乖自己去把便當洗乾淨。這是您必須從小教育小孩的觀念:「沒有誰應該要幫誰做什麼事情」,而您也要從小灌輸孩子「責任」這兩個字的意義!

現在孩子身高足夠踏上小板凳之後站在水槽邊,洗自己的餐碗變成他們自己的功課,因為這是他們自己在學校的用具、也是他們自己使用過後的餐具,你為什麼要幫他們洗好呢?放下吧….別管太多,也別妨礙太多小朋友學習以及成長的機會,您要做的應該是幫他檢查、幫他除錯,當發現問題時,告訴他這裡應該要修正、告訴他那裡應該要注意,而不是通通搶著幫他做完,您要記住:「當父母越全能的時候,孩子就會越無能」,請務必謹記!

讓他有機會練習

以前,孩子從學校裡面借書回來,總是窩在媽媽的旁邊,纏著媽媽一定要唸完故事書之後才肯睡,但在小孩認識注音符號之後,我們開始讓他們自己看故事書,然後看完之後唸給我們聽,唸完之後再把書收起來,請他自己「內化」之後說給我們聽,這樣的效果比媽媽唸床頭故事要好太多了,他們不僅會自己看書,也會把故事「用自己的語言說出來」,這樣不是很好嗎?誰說講床頭故事是父母的功課?反過來讓小朋友講給你聽吧…..這個時候你反而會因為孩子的成長而感到驕傲!

你自己忘記、自己「負責」

有一天孩子學校需要帶「10顆鳥蛋」去學校煮火鍋,睡前才跑來跟媽媽求求救,眼看晚上十一點多是要去那裡生鳥蛋?當晚媽媽並沒有理會,直接告訴孩子:「現在已經這麼晚了,已經沒有地方可以買,明天你自己去跟老師道歉、自己去跟同學道歉」,孩子急得眼睛都紅了可是眼淚不敢掉下來,因為他自己知道是自己的失誤與疏忽,而我們就是要讓孩子知道自己的事情自己要重視,如果你自己都忘了,卻要別人幫你處理,這樣是很不負責的!

但隔天早上….10 顆鳥蛋還是出現了,因為一早去菜市場的阿嬤為孩子買了回來,雖然媽媽有點不開心,但他告訴孩子:「去跟阿嬤抱抱說謝謝,你看人家這麼早就出去幫你買,很辛苦的」,之後孩子有時還是會漏東漏西,但是至少時間點提前了 (您知道學校老師都很喜歡來一個”明天要帶XXX”這種狠招,搞得許多父母非常辛苦) <- 這又是另外一個故事了 適時的給他獎勵與誘因 現代人的生活幾乎沒有什麼缺乏,說飯有飯吃(而且還是吃菜配飯),絕對不會餓到!而論物質的話,從小幫孩子買衣服、買玩具、買故事書,這些物質生活比起我們小時候,那可真的是天差地遠,但現代很多父母卻是三不五時「無條件」的買東買西送給孩子,不然就是在小孩子考試滿分或是表現優良時,立即奉上新台幣以滋鼓勵(即便是零錢),這種狀況實在是非常要不得! 小孩會從你身上看到一些歪曲的事情,他們看到奉承阿諛、在人面前求表現的表現,也知道怎麼樣可以獲得你的獎賞,甚至把這樣的行為變成他們的目的,以後只看錢與物質做事的生活,是您要孩子學到的事情嗎? 我看過小孩拿著錢買東西來當孩子王使喚其他同學,因為小孩之間很容易因為誰優越就變成王。同樣的,您讓小孩太容易獲得一些玩具與用品,他們反而不珍惜資源,這樣價值觀就會嚴重扭曲,而這就是您愛護小孩、疼愛小孩的結果,從小受到父母的物慾薰陶,這....這是您要的結果嗎? 「你好棒喔,我加你三個印章」、「你幫忙打掃家裡,幫忙折其他人的衣服,那我給你加五個印章」,我家孩子快樂的拿著家裡的打掃武器開始整理環境,而當他們集滿 100 枚印章之後,我們就選擇帶他們去文具店購買他們想要的文具或是到玩具店挑選他們想要的「人際關係物品」(你要知道,孩子為什麼會想要恐龍卡或是鬥片?那是因為他要去學校跟其他同學交際啊,這些你我看似無聊的東西,在孩子的世界裡面可是重要的交際應酬必需品),而當他們為了可以買到一個新的橡皮擦或是恐龍卡時,不僅平常會主動做家事,也會相互比較競爭、更不會排斥幫忙其他人做事,慢慢累積之後,孩子知道任何事情是沒有不勞而獲的,而這些他們經過努力之後得到的物品,也更加珍惜、更加保護,讓孩子養成想要獲得什麼東西都是需要去努力、去累積,而不是伸手要錢、張口要飯這麼不勞而獲。 考試滿分重要嗎?對我們家來說,成績不算什麼 隔壁街的補習班老師跟媽媽說:「你們是我看過對小孩最鬆的父母」,是的~這禮拜又要出去玩了,今天晚上又要去喜宴了,帶孩子出去接觸世界是我們父母一項擺在前面的選項,而品德教育反而是比較重要的課題,課業......那是什麼?能吃嗎? 老大上小學之後,若在學校考試獲得不錯成績時(即便不是滿分,而是對於我們來說,他有進步了,而且他也努力了),我們則會安排一趟家庭旅遊,去進行兩天一夜的小渡假,然後告訴孩子這個旅程是因為他的功課表現很好所以特別安排的,從他的笑容中,我發現我們這樣做是對的!因為他的臉上充滿著「你看,能全家出來玩是我的功勞」,那種受肯定以及自信,是你給他錢所買不到的.... 而即便孩子在學校的功課不是最好的,甚至還要被老師排入「加強資源班」,但對我們來說....這又如何?孩子的未來不是決定在「考券上有幾分,而是他的態度」!從小我與老婆的功課不是最好,但我們現在工作順利、朋友關係良好、收入穩定、一家和樂,當你的態度對了,什麼都對了! 誰不希望自己的孩子拿著獎狀回來?誰不希望自己的孩子出人頭地?但在這之前您可曾想過孩子的資質以及興趣呢?功課對我們來講「過得去就好」,而我們教育孩子的是學習的態度以及自主的管理,讓他們回到家可以自己做功課、自己做家事、自己處理自己的課餘時間,因為「自理、自主、負責才是他人生中的必修科目」,而不是現在的加減乘除或是開更號! 急什麼,走都走不好,跑什麼? 我兩夫妻從不相信「孩子不要輸在起跑點上」這句話。學什麼才藝課?鋼琴?心算?芭蕾?還是小提琴?這些才藝課,請讓小朋友自己選、要參加任何活動,讓小朋友自己決定,而當孩子決定之後,請孩子自己去挖豬公,因為我要讓小孩珍惜你的每個機會,而且這個學習機會是你自己選的,就算撲滿裡面只挖出偶爾拿到的幾十塊錢,但小朋友知道這是付出他平常的努力與獎勵,他們開始知道想要獲得更多,必須靠自己犧牲一些什麼東西而獲得,而不是父母主動安排或是有求必應的。 如果孩子不知珍惜或學習不認真,下次想要在上才藝課,那就沒這麼簡單了!因為我們要讓孩子知道,真的花了錢就要好好做、好好學,因為他們從小知道原來做任何事情都是要付出與犧牲的,你不好好學,那就什麼都沒有......... 小朋友想學什麼才藝,想學什麼課程,當有自己小小的儲蓄加持之後,孩子總是學的特別認真,因為他知道這堂才藝課,是他花多少「代價」換來的。我們絕對不會主動去幫孩子安排什麼心算、珠算、鋼琴、小提琴還是什麼圍棋、跆拳道,因為如果孩子沒有興趣,逼他去上這些課程,他們真的可以學得有興趣嗎?而逼他們學這些不是發自他們主動的課程,您覺得小朋友會用心 & 心甘情願的去學習嗎? 懶!不是教您不做事,還是要看事辦事 身為父母就像在公司裡面當主管一樣,您負責的是幫孩子判斷方向,針對每個人不同能力、不同專長、不同興趣以及不同個性,來安排他們適合的工作與任務方向,所以如果您總要一再要求孩子去做他沒有興趣的事情,只會讓雙方相處充滿戰爭(尤其是在青春期)。 身為父母的您,只要向主管一樣,指導孩子的做事態度、做事方向、確認孩子的學習動機以及正確心態,只要您擔任好導航的角色,讓這艘船不會偏離航道(做壞小孩)、不會開錯航道,這樣才是對小孩最佳的幫助。 身教大於言教,以身作則為首要 您的懶不是什麼事情都不做,以做家事來說,孩子也有忙碌的時候、孩子也有功課多的時候,身為父母的您要知道事情的輕重來決定每一件事情的先後順序以及賦予程度,有些事情您可以慢慢的教導孩子開始成長,但就像上面說的.....您必須針對每個人不同的能力而定,每個小孩都有自己的個性以及脾氣,就像不是每個小孩都能成為周杰倫、蕭敬騰或是蔡依林,您在教育的過程中也必須因材施教、親力親為,這樣才能做好孩子的榜樣唷! 記住..... 懶....讓你過的更快樂,讓你的孩子也快樂。 懶....讓你花更好的精神,但是擁有更好的效益。 懶....讓兩個小孩知道自己找事情做、自己知道怎麼安排自己的時間。 懶....讓孩子知道自己應該要對自己負責,而不是什麼都找父母.... 懶....才能讓孩子在競爭激烈的現代社會裡,擁有獨立自主的生活能力。 我知道,父母愈全能、孩子會越無能,想讓孩子的未來更嗎?放手吧,不要讓自己變成恐龍父母,好嗎? 有懶惰的父母 才有獨立的小孩

文章分享-德國父母教子 你不一定非要拿第一名 網絡轉載

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當今世界,各國都有一個共識,那就是——“兒童是祖國的未來”。因此,如何幫助孩子成才,如何給孩子創造良好的環境成為眾人關注的焦點。據德國《家庭與教育》雜誌的一篇文章介紹,德國人對如何在家庭中為孩子創造一個良好的教育環境,以及父母自己如何對孩子言傳身教有獨到的見解。他們堅持認為,家庭在孩子的成才中起著巨大的作用。

”你並非要得第一不可”
  
“我的爸爸很早就讓我知道:我並非一定要得第一不可。”來自德國,現在北京大學讀中文的裡求(中文名)說,“在我失敗時,他總是告訴我,他對此感到很平和,他認為我比成績要重要得多,但是他的確很希望我能夠有好成績”。

德國人比較注重為孩子的學習環境創造良好的條件,但是,他們不希望給孩子很大的壓力。他們也會很關心孩子的成績,但是不會把分數看得比孩子,比實力更重要。從另一方面說,德國人比較注重從情感上渲染孩子,他們很關心孩子,從小就使孩子感到被愛,每次都會鼓勵他們去做,做得更好。當孩子成績不好或是有不良行為時,他們會很認真地去和孩子探討原因,積極從孩子的觀點去考慮問題,而不會用其它給孩子施加壓力的方式去對待孩子。
  
“他們把孩子置於成績的上面,而不是成績要比孩子重要。”裡求說,就他在德國待的20多年裡,他發現德國人十分善於在家庭中營造一種教育的氛圍。“就以我來說,我的爸爸是一個司機,媽媽是一個公司裡的職員。小時候,我的學習成績不好,但是他們並沒有因此而不再愛我。記憶最深的是,小學的第一次考試我沒有及格。回家去的時候媽媽知道我不及格,但是她並沒有罵我更沒有打我,只是問我是不是感到功課太重了。她還去學校找了老師,從此之後她更關心我,我有問題總是和我一起解決而不是責駡。我們考試就像是我們一起去考試。”他說,他的同學裡面很少有因為成績原因而遭到父母的虐待,那些遭到父母的毆打的同學都是因為其它原因。而且,事實上,在德國,父母很少打孩子。
  
“德國人比較注重培養孩子的能動性和自覺性,比如做作業,孩子不會,父母只會鼓勵他們自己去找答案,絕對不會輕易說出答案。”“在我的家,從我上學的第一天起,家裡就有一個書房,專門為我留著。而爸爸即使由於工作原因沒有錢而要到慕尼克去打工,但是他生氣也不會對我發脾氣。他常常告訴我,我不需要每次都做到最好,我並非要得第一不可。但是他們常常要求我自立,不要過於依賴他人。”裡求說。他在德國讀完免費的九年義務教育之後,考上了柏林大學,之後又來北大留學,他的父母一直都支持他。
  
“我的今天,完全是父母給我的家教造成的。”裡求說。“父母一直都是我的榜樣。”父母對於孩子的影響是不言而喻的。在家庭教育中,父母是最重要的角色。聽聽德國人怎麼看待父母的榜樣的力量的。
  
特斯,北大哲學系的大三學生,來自德國Frankfurt。今年24歲的特斯成績優秀。“我的父母自小就讓我作決定,他們總是告訴我說,我有各種各樣的選擇。我可以選擇一邊讀書一般學習音樂,也可以選擇去做運動員,反正我的人生是我自己決定的,他們只給我指導意見。可是他們卻在有意無意之中向我灌輸責任感的重要性,他們在要求我自己作決定的同時也要求我對自己的行為負責。而他們也會為他們的行為負責。媽媽在麵包房裡工作,每天都在家裡把黑麵包發酵,這麼多年一直都很敬業,也從來不會沾麵包房的小便宜。就是她的這種負責精神感染了我。他們是我學習的榜樣。”
  
而一位在德國留學的中國學生說了一件讓他感觸最深的“小事”:“在德國過馬路,人們絕對是按人行橫道上紅綠燈的指示行事的,因此,當有一天傍晚,我在萊比錫火車站發現兩個當地的年輕人違章過馬路時,竟‘如獲至寶’地說給我的德國陪同中文名字裴海麗小姐聽。當時人行橫道的紅燈亮了,儘管馬路上一輛車也沒有,但人們都站在原地不動,只有那兩個人猶豫了一下便跑了過去。我甚至有點“興災樂禍”地對裴海麗說:“你看,德國也有行人過馬路不守規矩。”然而,她的回答足足讓我回味了好半天:“其實,我有時候也會這樣做的,如果當時馬路上一輛車也沒有的話。不過,在一種情況下我是絕對不會違章過馬路的,不管當時有沒有車,這就是當我的身邊站著孩子的時候。”發人深省。
  
德國慕尼克學前教育研究所所長馮納斯基斯教授來中國參加經驗交流會時說:“我參觀過中國的幼稚園、學校,父母出許多錢讓孩子上那麼好的學校,真羡慕這裡的孩子。”但是,中國的父母大多以為孩子上了學,教育孩子就是學校的事了。其實不然,在孩子長大成人前,父母必須在家庭教育上花大力氣。馮納教授指出,如果將一個家庭在孩子身上的所有投資以“1”為計算單位,那麼父母就應將其中的50%投資在家庭教育上。因為在孩子成長過程中,家庭教育是最重要的。
  
“家庭教育對孩子,尤其是未成年孩子如此重要,家庭的教育氛圍,父母的言傳身教對孩子的一生都產生重大的影響甚至可以決定孩子的一生。中國的父母在對孩子寄託重大期望的同時也要注意自己的言行。在家庭中注意對孩子的教育方法,這才是長遠之計。”特斯說。

—————————————–

我十分喜歡及認同德國人教育孩子的方法,希望自己可以以身作則,營造良好的學習環境,多鼓勵及支持雪瑜,使她能夠安全及快樂地渡過香港的教育制度。

文章分享 – 我不要「精打細算」的童年 李坤珊

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我不要「精打細算」的童年

作者/ 李坤珊 2012-04-16

為了給孩子一個「豐富的童年」,家長無不卯足全力精打細算,把孩子的學習、時間完全填滿,一刻也不浪費。這麼做,孩子會更有創造力嗎?

剛從香港演講離開,心裡一直惦記著參訪的那兩間幼兒園。

香港寸土寸金,凡事講求時效、大環境競爭激烈,使得這兩間學校,雖然運作的細節不一,但呈現的狀況相當雷同:大量的集體教學活動、孩子執行一致的分組活動(比如說,每個人都做一樣的學習單和塗色圖);小小年紀,寫在練習簿格子裡的國字,字跡工整無比。霎時間,我回想起在台灣也參訪過類似的學校,在大陸也見過許多像這樣教學的老師。一時之間,真的有話想說……

「時間」這個東西,好像只有大人懂。所以為了孩子好,為了孩子的未來,大人常常會算計小孩學習的速度,夠不夠快;不得不估算小孩學習的內容,值不值得。

為了爭取學習的時間,在幼兒園裡,一堂又一堂的團體教學時間,排得沒有空檔。老師一單元接一單元的教、活動不停的帶,唯有這樣,大人才能對自己交代:「我們的教學內容豐富!」

「豐富的童年」是誰的需要?

為了爭取學習時間,在家裡,一個又一個時段的才藝學習,接踵而至。爸媽輪番上陣,有效率的將幼兒的童年時間,排滿了「有用的」課外活動。因為只有這樣,大人才能對自己交代:「我為孩子的未來,精打細算!」

生活被排得滿滿的幼兒,真的都吸收了那些「豐富的教學內容」嗎?大人東算西算的結果,真的為孩子的未來搭了座成功的階梯嗎?

迷思一:幼兒的學習,是大人口頭教出來的?

不是的!幼兒的學習,主要不是來自聽力。乖乖的坐著聽課,不但很難讓幼兒感興趣,也很難讓幼兒的大腦連結日後需要的豐富突觸和網路。幼兒的學習,是從動動手、嘴嚐嚐、鼻子聞聞、耳聽聽、眼睛看看的五感經驗中來的。

我任教的新學校,離海邊只有十幾分鐘。夏天時,我們常帶著小朋友到海邊玩。在那裡,我們總會撿到從海上漂來的浮木。有一次,在做繪本《It Looked Like Spilt Milk》的延伸活動,我利用五塊浮木,請大班的小朋友盡其所能的想像,那五塊浮木看起來像什麼?

一開始,孩子們看著那幾塊浮木說:「不知道像什麼?」

我請他們每個人動手去摸、去玩浮木,一旦孩子動了手,就像有魔法般,他們想像的答案,像洩洪般傾洩而出。他們不僅在接下來的書寫活動裡,主動要求一張接一張的畫和寫,有三分之二的小朋友,連點心時間也放棄,深怕吃了點心,就少了畫畫寫寫的時間。

動動手,是幼兒主要的學習方式,給他們時間動動手,他們的創意才得以發展和釋放呀!

迷思二:幼兒學習的內容,要與學業成就有關才有用?

在這個層面上,小孩可比大人懂得多!因為嬰幼兒不會為遙遠的未來估算:「到底要學什麼,才算有用?」對小孩有用的(他們自己都知道),就是學會生活與生活裡的細節:如何用湯匙、吃東西、脫襪子、穿上衣、拿畫筆、畫線條……

生活的各種細節,沒有排名,都是主角。因為對小小孩而言,生活的本身,就是認真的試驗每一個過程,不為別人、不為明天,只為今天、此刻和自己。也只有活在當下,每一刻的經驗才會滴水不漏的刻在成長的紋理裡。

不管年紀多大,人的生活從來沒有一帆風順過,嬰幼兒也不例外。成功歡喜所帶來的驕傲,受打擊挫折所帶來的猜疑和退縮,就這麼交織成生活的網。所以學會生活,並不是學會技術,而是學會與自己的每一個面向相處,也就是學會理解事物的來龍去脈,豐富的連結起不同區域間的網絡。我們的嬰幼兒也不懂得算計學習的速度,速度是大人強加在孩子身上的發條:「趕快學會吃飯、怎麼還弄得亂七八糟、怎麼還不會穿……」我們也要孩子的傷心馬上停止、挫折立即消散。實情卻是,嬰幼兒雖有與生俱來的生之勇氣,但仍需要自己的時間表,去調整動作、整理想法和釐清感受。唯有這樣,每一個生活面向中的經驗才會完整,嬰幼兒才會全面的、健康的慢慢長大。

我們都愛自己的孩子,但常不經意的陷入來自外在和自己的時間壓力,然後將之轉換成孩子的學習壓力。假如你能從孩子的眼中去看世界,你會毫不猶豫的讚賞他每一個成功和挫折的面向,也會給孩子時間,去累積獨特的智慧和慈悲。

在二十一世紀長大的孩子,要能生存,比我們需要更多創意!過多集體化教學,執行許多一樣的活動,能讓我們的孩子更有創意嗎?

—————————————

拜讀了李博士的「不要逼孩子打招呼」後,我深深的愛上了她及她的作品。她對嬰幼兒的愛表現在她對孩子們的態度、了解、教育,我為這一切感動著。

李博士用字淺,但道理深,句句都很精彩,愈看愈著迷。我不斷上網上找她的資料及文章和作品。李博士在親子天下的部落格,有十幾篇作品,我一口氣讀完。外出時,我一定要去買「讓孩子安心做自己」這本書,並要好好閱讀及實踐。

<我不要「精打細算」的童年>真實的寫出現代學童的心聲。我覺得現代學童很可憐,每天都忙著上學、補習、課外活動,天天一早到晚都有很豐富的節目,忙得連睡覺的時間也不足夠!

以前,我工作時的態度是最緊要「快、靚、正」!現在,我做了全職媽媽,「重質吾重量」是我的格言。每天,雪瑜的起居飮食也大同小異,但也必須尊重此「小異」。可能是沒有胃口,食粥的時間長了;或是突然間對很久沒玩的玩具/新玩具太留念,睡覺時間晩了或短了;也有可能是外出,時間表亂了…一切一切都以她的意願去做,想玩就玩、想睡就睡、該食就得食。

我愛雪瑜,我希望自己不要不經意的陷入來自外在和自己的時間壓力,將之轉換成她的學習壓力。「貴精不貴多」,讓她有個開心的童年!

我不要「精打細算」的童年 李坤珊

文章分享-別逼孩子打招呼 李坤珊

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2011-07-27 親子天下雜誌 15期 文/李坤珊

別逼孩子打招呼  

「小孩子不可以這麼沒有禮貌, 趕快說阿姨好呀!」回到台灣三個星期,不管是到別人家做客,或在公共場所與人打招呼,常常遇到大人半引導、半強迫的要他們手中或懷中的幼兒跟我打招呼。

比較不怕生的孩子,總還順著大人,緬靦的輕聲說「阿姨好。」個性較為內向、敏感的,就抿著嘴、一邊往後縮,一邊鉤著眼睛看我,不說就是不說。站在一旁的大人也覺得尷尬,覺得自己沒把孩子教好,忍不住開始以責備的口吻說著:「小孩子不可以這麼沒有禮貌……」之類的話。

個兒小不表示自尊線也很低

每一回聽見大人這樣說孩子,總覺得好不忍心。我曾經是小孩,現在又天天與幼兒相處,深深了解被大人說「沒禮貌」的感覺,是一種羞愧,也是一種挫敗。羞愧的是自己不好,嘴巴不甜;挫敗的是自己做不好,讓成人失望。而這種種的感覺,都得同時在大庭廣眾、眾目睽睽之下,被揪出來。

我常想,沒有任何一個大人受得了自己在大庭廣眾下被羞辱,那為什麼我們的孩子(幼兒)應該承受呢?為什麼我們會毫不猶疑的、高高在上的,在眾目睽睽下,責備那身高只及腿或腰的幼兒呢?

或許這其中的重要關鍵就是,我們不覺得幼兒有自尊心。我們覺得他們那矮矮的身驅裡,沒有太多感覺,沒有太多自尊。所以,我們的話不會讓孩子受傷,就算受傷,也是一點點。此外,成人的話是一種教導,「孩子就是要教!」

更或許,在我們小時候,我們的自尊心也被默視了,所以現在長大了的我們,也看不見幼兒的自尊心?我們看不見那站在巨人叢裡的小小孩,對陌生人的畏怯。我們看不見小小孩的罪惡感,因為連他心愛的爸媽(甚至爺爺奶奶)也覺得他不夠好,在所有大人的注視下數落他。

是的,在眾人面前數落孩子,「教孩子」的責任是盡到了,絕對不會落人口舌。在所有的「目光」下直貼孩子標籤(沒禮貌、太吵、不聽話……),「警惕孩子」的目地達成了,好像離「好孩子」的目標也愈來愈近。但是羞辱有用嗎?以羞辱為手段的幼兒教養,會有什麼問題呢?

一、語言的暴力

在以羞辱為手段,所遇見的第一個弔詭,是語言的暴力。假如我們的社會體系認為讓一個人羞愧,會很快的收到教養功效,那直接面對面的運用「沒有禮貌、你將來完蛋了、你這樣沒人會喜歡你、你真麻煩、真倒霉生到你……」等的語言,也就理所當然!這類的語言,直接攻擊個人的自尊,讓人覺得渺小、一無是處,所達成的效果就是羞愧。孩子生活在這類的語言下,所成就的是大人的願望,所犧牲的,是孩子自身的尊嚴。

傷害孩子的尊嚴,最大的影響就是孩子覺得不應該正視自己的想法、情緒和感覺。傷害孩子的尊嚴,所帶來的長遠影響是,他們日後也不會正視他人的想法、情緒和感覺。這樣的輪迴,所帶來的默視情緒,甚至情緒傷害,永無止境。

、忽略孩子的成長需求

小小孩對陌生人的畏怯和害羞,是與生俱來保護自己的能力。你一定記得,你的嬰兒在五個月大前,任誰抱都可以。但在六個月大前後,突然間,除了媽媽(主要照顧者)外,好像看誰都不順眼,誰抱他,他就扭頭大哭。我們通常都以「陌生人焦慮」,來形容這個現象。

雖然這個焦慮,會在一歲半後,逐漸淡化,但隨著年紀漸長,在面對陌生人的那一剎那,他們會有一些直覺的警覺。他們會靜靜的看著陌生人,好像是在以自己的感覺,去感受、去觀察「這個人安不安全?」、「他對我好不好?」。

「陌生人焦慮」讓孩子只接近對他成長有利的人,讓自己與那個人產生情感上的連結和依附,並從那個依附裡發展安全感。而在幼兒階段養成的警戒,又何嘗不是與生俱來保護自己的能力,透過那樣的能力,逐漸學會分辨他人、信任他人。

只是很遺憾的,許多成人在引領幼兒接觸他第一次遇見的人時,會忽略掉幼兒的這個觀察,這道「安檢」過程。更讓孩子擔心的是,他還來不及反應,這個陌生人,就會靠他很近,摸他的頭、拍他的臉。雪上加霜的是,在錯愕下,自己心愛的爸媽(主要照顧者)還責備他「小孩子不能沒禮貌、害什麼羞嘛、不聽話、讓大人丟臉……」。在這幾重因素下,孩子會認為自己的感覺和想法重要嗎?大人怎麼想,小孩也該立即這麼想;大人認為要有禮貌、見人就得嘴巴甜的叫人、打招呼,那小孩也該立刻這麼做。孩子會認為不這樣聽話,就不是好孩子,不是嗎?

三、罪惡感的建立

在幼兒的成長旅程裡,他們會碰到一個成長上的難題:罪惡感。它與幼兒「好奇、主動探索」的熱情,緊密相連。

當自己依照自己的想法,去探究這鍋裡有什麼?去試探我這樣做,他是不是就會這樣反應?這種種試探的結果,卻也可能打破某樣東西,或惹毛了哪個人,與成人的意願和秩序相左。於是孩子會愧疚自己讓大人生氣,把「自己不好」這樣的罪惡感加諸在自己身上。

同樣的道理,當幼兒因為需要時間去觀察陌生人,卻得不到認可,又聽見成人一再說自己無禮時,他會產生罪惡感。一則可能孩子覺得憤怒,反而不去做;二則也可能孩子覺得自己太差勁,就不得已順從了。不管是絕不依從或暫時順服,兩者都忽略了孩子個人的想法和情感,也都讓孩子覺得自己不夠好。反抗不依,自己不好;依樣順從,也因為自己的感覺有錯,還是不好。

從尊重中學會禮貌

那要如何做,才能讓幼兒學會和人打招呼?最重要的關鍵,仍是尊重。最有效的辦法是示範和引導。以我在書店看到的場景為例:

有個媽媽手裡牽著四歲大的孩子,在書店裡遇到好友。兩個大人幾句寒暄後:
媽媽對著孩子說:「小涵,這是王阿姨,她是媽媽的好朋友。」

王阿姨在離孩子有一點點距離的地方,蹲下來,對小涵笑一笑說:「你好,小涵,我是王阿姨。」

王阿姨等了一下下,接著說:「你的娃娃好可愛。」

王阿姨又斷斷續續的與媽媽和小涵對話,然後在她離開前,她說:「小涵好可愛,小涵再見。」

媽媽說:「跟王阿姨說再見。要不要抱王阿姨一下?」

小涵有點害羞的說再見,然後走到王阿姨跟前,抱了她一下。

在這個例子裡,我看到了王阿姨的尊重:她給孩子空間和時間去觀察她;她先善意的打招呼,主動關心孩子喜歡的東西;不強迫孩子馬上回應,耐心等待孩子的回應。

同樣的,我也看到了媽媽的尊重:她不強迫孩子要馬上打招呼;她先介紹大人給孩子認識,親身示範如何與人問候;她等到孩子安心後,再引導她如何做;並詢問孩子的意願。

那一天離開書店後,我在一家公司的樓下碰見友人。才一見面,他立即對著他那三歲的外甥說:「快叫李阿姨」。靜寂一秒後,他催促說:「快叫人,小孩子不能沒有禮貌。」而我知道在這種情況下,最好的做法,就是靜靜的對他微笑,慢慢的說:「你好,我是李阿姨。你不認識我,有些害怕,對不對?」

我想藉由這樣的說法,讓小孩安心,也提醒那個大人。但無奈的是,那個看不見小孩心情的大人又繼續說著:「這麼沒有禮貌……。」眼看著那嘴巴越抿越緊的小孩,心中也不禁想起自己的童年……

___________________________________
每天只要是有陽光的早上,我都會帶雪瑜到公園,讓她曬太陽,爬爬走,消能量。每次,我們都會見到保安阿姨。她可喜歡雪瑜了。每次都很用力地逗雪瑜開心,為討她一笑。但雪瑜(九個月)挺有性格,有時不理人,緊皺雙眉(招牌動作),有時會笑笑,弄得我不好意思。很多時都把雪瑜的手舉起來,並說「姨姨,早晨!」、「姨姨,拜拜!」有時,我也會說「點解今日吾笑?笑下啦!」「雪瑜笑下先有禮貌。」…

李坤珊這篇文章寫得真棒!她對幼兒有很深的了解,把我的疑問一一解開了。以後在打招呼方面,我可以更好的處理,會尊重雪瑜,理解她的陌生感。

別逼孩子打招呼 – 李坤珊

Article sharing – dear mom who feels like she wants to quit

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I am so lucky to read this article and over 75 comments. That’s exactly what I am thinking these days. I am not alone. Thanks for the beautiful words of encouragement!

「You are the perfect mother for your children today. Do not let the world qualify your motherhood. There is no price tag large enough that would ever illustrate the true value of motherhood. You are an amazing gift to your family.」

dear mom who feels like she wants to quit

文章分享-德國人把孩子看成一粒種子 (轉自環球時報)

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幼兒教育是成長的第一步 , 這一步能否走好與性格形成和命運發展有密切的關係。

德國人認為, 孩子長大了早晚要離開父母自闖一片天地, 與其讓他們面對措折惶恐無助, 不如從小摔摔打打 , “撞”出面對人生的勇氣和本事。因此 , “殘酷教育” 在德國的幼兒教育中成為流行驅勢。

上午9時,沉浸在冰天雪地之中的德國北部城市漢諾威寒冷無比,然而位於市區的瑪格瑞特幼兒園門口 十分熱鬧。孩子們背著碩大的雙肩揹書包,精神抖擻地陸續走進園內,開始了一天的生活。為了深入 了解現在德國流行的 “殘酷教育”,我也走進了幼兒園。

幼兒園是一座兩層小樓。室外有大片的活動場地,草地、沙地、石頭地……卻沒有看到國內常見的塑膠地。孩子們在戶外活動時膽子很大,登梯爬高一點都不含糊。老師們則站在遠處觀察,不怎麼干涉。

衣服穿多了易感冒

我發現雖然天氣寒冷,但是在門外玩耍的孩子卻看不到穿棉衣或防寒服,頂多穿一件絨衣,也有只穿半截袖上衣、短褲或短裙。看著我大驚小怪的模樣,陪同我的雅娜老師解釋說:幼兒應該比大人少穿點衣服。他們精力旺盛幾乎可以用來’發電’ 。活動量大容易出汗,穿多了反而容易感冒。臃腫的服裝還會影響他們的靈活性 。”

走進活動室,只見堆滿了各種墊子,孩子在上面盡情地翻滾嬉戲。6歲的喬安娜在圓形的蹦蹦床上彈跳,一不留神把2歲大的托尼撞倒了。托尼大哭起來,而站在一旁的老師並沒有馬上跑過去安慰他。3分鐘後,老師走過去溫和地說:”托尼 ,你剛剛被喬安娜撞了一下,你覺得很委屈對不對? 可是你是小男子漢,難道還沒有哭夠嗎?”托尼點點頭,立刻收起抗議的哭聲,用袖子擦去臉上的鼻涕和眼淚。

我留意到佈告欄上貼滿了”15名小科學家的研究學習成果 “。難道還包著尿布的小孩也懂得研究和寫報告嗎?” 讓不同年齡段的孩子在一起玩耍的好處就是,年齡大的孩子會教年齡小的孩子,年齡小的
孩子會主動模倣年齡大的孩子。他們在一起製作東西,佈告欄上所展示的成果就是他們的小發明。

“幼兒園的負責人蘇珊娜博士笑著對我說,”這種教育模式能激發孩子勤動手動腦,主動團結合作。比如,配對遊戲、合作拼圖、合辦聚會等,讓孩子從小就能體會到團體合作的力量。”蘇珊娜博士強調說,來幼兒園的孩子主要的任務就是玩,通過玩來教他們 ,老師只是一個觀察者、 幫助者,要充分發揮孩子的天性。園內以小組和個別活動為主,至於進行什麼活動,由孩子自己決定,可以畫畫、聽故事、到戶外玩,只要是幼兒園?能進行的活動,幹什麼都行。

午餐時間有 3個

時間過得真快,轉眼到了中午 12時。我看見孩子們三三兩兩地來到餐桌旁。 老師把飯盤放在孩子面前,大點兒的孩子自己用勺子吃,年紀小的、不會用勺子吃飯的孩子就用手抓著吃。今天剛剛入園的3歲大的格碧妮站著不動,一會兒看看這兒,一會兒看看那兒。老師讓她坐在小凳子上,用手勢啟發她自己吃飯。可是,格碧妮不會抓著吃,呆呆地坐在那裡。老師耐心地用手比畫著教她,卻絲毫沒有要餵她的意思。直到吃飯時間結束,格碧妮一口沒動的飯菜就被 “沒收” 了。

看到這兒,我有些不解。 雅娜老師說:”德國人從來不喂孩子吃飯,如果孩子餓了,自己會主動吃的。格碧妮現在不會自己吃,下次就會了。”蘇珊娜博士說:”孩子不會做的事,老師只在必要時給以言語或者行為上的鼓勵和暗示,大人不要強迫他們做什麼,也不包攬,因為那樣可能會抑制孩子’獨立行為’ 的發展 。幫他完成某些事,日後他就只會做那些別人做過的事,而缺乏創造性。幼兒園提供3個午餐時間-中午12時、下午1時和下午2時,孩子自己決定何時用餐。”

在午睡的問題上,老師也尊重孩子的意願。 孩子如果在床上躺 20-30分鐘還沒有睡著,他可以出去玩。

這讓我想起鄰居4歲大的兒子米希爾到我家時的情景。 米希爾沒有見過中國的餃子,抓起一隻生餃子就往嘴巴塞。當我想制止時,他媽媽卻制止了我,說:”別管他,這樣他才知道生的是不能吃的。”

大人向孩子認錯

蘇珊娜博士認為, 家長必須善於控制自己的情緒,給以孩子儘量多的愛而不是寵溺,尊重孩子的自尊心。因此,家長要常把”對不起”、”請原諒”和”謝謝” 之類的詞掛在嘴邊 。由於得到父母的愛護和尊重,德國的小孩從小就參與家庭的各種活動,並提出自己的意見,比如購買什麼樣的家用電器、汽車,如何佈置房間、處理家務等,孩子都可以以小主人的身份與父母一起商討,父母也願意傾聽孩子的意見,充分肯定孩子正確的想法和行為。

在德國,愛護兒童、保護兒童的合法權益已被列入法律條款。一方面法律規定孩子要幫助父母洗碗、掃地和買東西 ,從小養成愛勞動的習慣;另一方面, 嚴禁父母”嘮叨、打罵或不愛子女 ” ,如果孩子認為自己得不到父母的尊重或受到冷落,可以向法院控告自己的雙親。此外,法律還詳細解釋了兒童享有的各項
權利。

獨特的抱孩子方式

從下午2時開始,家長們陸續趕來接自己的孩子。 中國的父母天冷時把孩子裹得嚴嚴實實緊緊地摟在懷裡,聽說德國人不這樣做。這時,我看到一些還在牙牙學語的小孩被家長一手抱在胸前。有趣的是,他們的抱法奇特:孩子跨坐在爸爸的一隻胳膊上,紅撲撲的小臉朝外,後背貼著爸爸的胸口,小胳膊小腿向
外伸著,樣子好像浮在水面上的小青蛙。在瑟瑟的寒風中,”狠心”的家長不給小孩過多的遮蓋,還不慌不忙地走出幼兒園。

蘇珊娜博士說:”德國人把孩子看成一粒種子,他們需要自然的生長環境,不可過於控制,給孩子留下儘量多的自由發展空間。比如, 抱孩子時孩子的臉朝外,眼睛和大人的視野基本一樣,小手小腿可以自由地活動,全身能充分地與陽光和空氣接觸,有利於他們適應自然環境,茁壯成長。 ”

轉載自《環球時報》

中國人把孩子看成寶貝,包括我在內。我希望自己不要溺愛囡囡,不要控制囡囡,不要把自己的意願、想法、做法架之囡囡身上。我希望自己能夠盡量俾空間、機會、環境囡囡去自我探索、發現、研究,尋找她的快樂、知識。